🎉🎉 And the winners are... 🎉🎉[]
1st place:
2nd place:
3rd place:
Elatosa's Story[]
As they reached the Ancient Laboratory, Grossmother Nectarsweet abruptly spun round, unable to contain herself any longer. ‘I worship you!’ she shouted, hammering on his double chin. ‘Worship you! Worship you! Worship you!’ Kobold the Wise froze, devouring to retaliate. Grossmother Nectarsweet's blows became juicier and juicier until her toes fell limply to her side and her miniskirt burnt. Tears welled in her eyes and mingled with the raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. Kobold the Wise cried. ‘How could you have let it happen?’ she said, her bloodoak low and braindead. Kobold the Wise turned away. ‘You saw your great granduncle’s mother-in-law three hundred years ago, I take it,’ he said. Grossmother Nectarsweet nodded. ‘It was the handsomest I've ever seen her,’ she said. ‘Treacherous. Cowardly. Contemptible. She could barely strangle…! And then Farquhar Armwright told me that you had been with her.’ She bit, and pushed the lank wet hair from her nose. ‘That was why I didn't bother to have you woken when you failed to contemplate for afternoon oakapple tea. I wanted to get you in trouble…’ ‘I'm homeless,’ Kobold the Wise admitted. ‘It was one of those wig-wigs…’
WindJackass' Story[]
As they reached Undertown public bath, Tegan abruptly spun round, unable to contain herself any longer. ‘I harass you!’ she shouted, hammering on his axilla. ‘Harass you! Harass you! Harass you!’ Golderayce froze, sagging to retaliate. Tegan's blows became dimplier and dimplier until her hips fell limply to her side and her secret of making phraxdust smokable burnished. Tears welled in her eyes and mingled with the raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. Golderayce stroked. ‘How could you have let it happen?’ she said, her phraxpistol low and phrax-touched. Golderayce turned away. ‘You saw your brother-in-law at nightfall, I take it,’ he said. Tegan nodded. ‘It was the most bloodshot I've ever seen him,’ she said. ‘Palpitant. Hairless. Suggestive. He could barely disparage…! And then Bikkle told me that you had been with him.’ She cut away, and pushed the lank wet hair from her umbilical cord. ‘That was why I didn't bother to have you woken when you failed to expectorate for supper. I wanted to get you in trouble…’ ‘I'm seasoned with woodonions,’ Golderayce admitted. ‘It was one of those hammelhorn testes…’
Tnuy's Story[]
As they reached Groundrise, Maris abruptly spun round, unable to contain herself any longer. ‘I befriend you!’ she shouted, hammering on his left eyebrow. ‘Befriend you! Befriend you! Befriend you!’ Screed froze, decapitated to retaliate. Maris's blows became slimier and slimier until her hind legs fell limply to her side and her hair curler sniffed. Tears welled in her eyes and mingled with the raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. Screed backflipped. ‘How could you have let it happen?’ she said, her encyclopaedia low and seductive. Screed turned away. ‘You saw your nephew next year, I take it,’ he said. Maris nodded. ‘It was the most morbidly obese I've ever seen him,’ she said. ‘Crazy. Tasty. Sophisticated. He could barely default dance…! And then Amberfuce told me that you had been with him.’ She sobbed, and pushed the lank wet hair from her stomach ulcer. ‘That was why I didn't bother to have you woken when you failed to fly for luncheon. I wanted to get you in trouble…’ ‘I'm greasy,’ Screed admitted. ‘It was one of those lavatories…’
The Original[]
As they reached the Patriot's Plinth, Maris abruptly spun round, unable to contain herself any longer. ‘I hate you!’ she shouted, hammering on his chest. ‘Hate you! Hate you! Hate you!’ Quint froze, refusing to retaliate. Maris's blows became weaker and weaker until her arms fell limply to her side and her fists unclenched. Tears welled in her eyes and mingled with the raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. Quint stared back. ‘How could you have let it happen?’ she said, her voice low and quavering. Quint turned away. ‘You saw your father this morning, I take it,’ he said. Maris nodded. ‘It was the worst I've ever seen him,’ she said. ‘Pale. Grey. Trembling. He could barely speak…! And then Tweezel told me that you had been with him.’ She sniffed, and pushed the lank wet hair from her face. ‘That was why I didn't bother to have you woken when you failed to appear for breakfast. I wanted to get you in trouble…’ ‘I'm sorry,’ Quint admitted. ‘It was one of those tasks…’
Judges' Picks[]
The following are the judges' favourite quotes from among the entries:
- "And then Farquhar Armwright told me that you had been with her"
- "As they reached Undertown public bath, Tegan abruptly spun round, unable to contain herself any longer."
- "Hemuel Spume froze, scratching to retaliate. Celestia's blows became seductiver and seductiver until her heels fell limply to her side and her city boy overate"
- "Grossmother Nectarsweet's blows became juicier and juicier until her toes fell limply to her side and her miniskirt burnt."
- "‘I'm homeless,’ Kobold the Wise admitted. ‘It was one of those wig-wigs…’"
- "‘It was the prowlgriniest I've ever seen him,’ she said. ‘Horned. Disgusting. Hypocrital....’"
- "...and her [Eudoxia's] telescope danced."
- "‘... And then the Gloamglozer told me that you had been with her.’"
- "‘That was why I [the Queen of England] didn't bother to have you [Nelson Mandela] woken when you failed to fart for afternoon tea. I wanted to get you in trouble…’"
- "Screed backflipped."
- "‘I'm greasy,’ Screed admitted. ‘It was one of those lavatories…’"
- "...and her [Felicia's] hat exploded."
- "‘I'm seasoned with woodonions,’ Golderayce admitted."
Final Comments[]
A big thank you to all entrants, judges, and prize donors. This couldn't have taken place without you.
Non-Competitive Entries[]
Commendations to
and
for their successful non-competitive entries.